#MyHealthJourney| False Acceptance & Denial

This will probably be the quickest blog post I will ever write up. But I think that also adds more importance to why the story must be told. I’ve been living a lie and I’ll be writing this post to explain it. My hope is that by doing so, others will know that it’s okay. A couple weeks ago, I was diagnosed with an Autoimmune Disease. It wasn’t until yesterday that I realized that what I thought was acceptance was actually false. I had created this bubble of denial around myself.

#MyHealthJourney| False Acceptance & Denial

False Acceptance & Denial

I have this really bad habit of telling people that I’m okay even when I’m not. When we got the Autoimmune Hepatitis diagnosis a couple weeks ago, there was a rush of questions from family and friends. And almost immediately, I put on my “I’m okay, don’t worry about me” hat. The crazy thing is, it’s not even a defense mechanism. Everyone is struggling with something so I would rather not be the bearer of bad news by telling you what’s going on with me. I’m just being honest, but this is also where I made my mistake.

I started to live in this role all the time. And it got to the point that I psyched myself into believing it. I completely bypassed the stages of acceptance and denial. I went straight to ignorance. People would ask me if I looked up information about my condition. No. Do I know what foods I should be eating? No. What do I know about Autoimmune Hepatitis? Not much.

Reality Smacked Me In The Face

I had an appointment with my Pulmonologist yesterday, I never went. He’s supposed to give me the results of my latest heart monitor and may be referring me to a Cardiologist. During the night, it finally hit me that I wasn’t ready to receive more bad news. I needed to accept the news that I had received previously before I could move forward.

Health & The mE Project

I put this post in the Categories, #MyHealthJourney, and the mE Project. That was done for a reason. I added in the mE Project because I want to get back to writing post for motivation, encouragement, and energy. Today I shared something personal, not only for encouragement but to help anyone who may be going through the same thing.

In so many words, I want to say it’s okay to be selfish. Not in every man for himself kind of way, but putting yourself first when it matters. In my case, I should have taken the time to meditate on the matter to understand what’s happening to me. I did not do that. But you don’t have to make the same mistakes that I did. You don’t need False Acceptance & Denial.

Leave a Reply

14 thoughts on “#MyHealthJourney| False Acceptance & Denial”

    1. Thank you so much for reading. One of my goals for the year was to be more honest with myself and I realized that I wasn’t really doing such a great job with that recently.

  1. It can be so hard to accept bad news, and lots of challenges. It takes time to accept big changes in your life, especially health related! I know that you will accept things and come to terms with the changes you need to make. I’ve had to do that with mental health issues, and it was hard and took time to really accept that I was no longer going to be able to handle the things the same way again. But as you learn more, and figure our what changes you need to make, it may get harder for a while. I won’t lie to you about that, there may be a rough road to adjusting and changing ahead, it took me over a year. But after that, when you find the right support base and learn what you need to learn and change, it does get better.
    Being honest about the way you feel will do a lot to help make progress, that was where I struggled.

    1. I think lying to myself set me back a bit. Honesty is one of those qualities that I pride myself on but I hadn’t been applying it to myself. I think you’re absolutely right though, this will take time. I just want to make sure I don’t rush the process. Thank you for sharing your story.

    1. I’m so happy to hear this. Sometimes I have moments before I post things like this. I’ll hesitate and question if it will help others or if people will enjoy it. This means a lot to me.

  2. I’m really glad that you’ve since taken the time to reflect on this and work some things out in your head, and I’m so proud of you as a person for owning up to how you really feel and to share your honest feelings and emotions, that’s such a hard thing to do. I’m sure there’s many others reading this post now who will agree with me, too. Putting yourself first definitely isn’t a bad thing, yet is often so hard to do, you do what you gotta do, lovely, and take care! 🙂

  3. This is so well written! Taking time for oneself to really find the root of the problem is essential. I struggled with not truly accepting my illnesses and because of that not accepting myself for such a long time. It’s a wrestling that innately requires time to oneself and gentleness. It’s not selfishness, even if it might feel so. Wonderful post!

    1. I’m so happy that so many people understand where I’m coming from. You just summed up exactly what I’m going through at the moment. I feel like each day the truth of the matter sinks a little deeper inside of me. I guess I’m just waiting for the day that it will take root.

Leave a Reply